The Problem With Polyjuice
by RaichuTec
Summary: Ye ole gender switcharoo.


Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters and settings belong to Ms. Rowling.

The Problem With Polyjuice

by

RaichuTec

Potions was the one class that Harry continued to dread, no matter how happy he was to be back at Hogwarts. Mostly because the teacher was Professor Snape, who had a very great disliking for Harry. Any chance he got, he'd take points from Gryffindor for any slight infraction or even a perceived infraction. In truth, Harry didn't like Snape much, either. But he had no real recourse other than to deal with it and pray Snape didn't decide to fail him some year.  
  
It was a hot afternoon that day in Potions, but as usual, the dungeons were cold and clammy. Harry and Ron sat at their table, preparing the ingredients for the day's lesson, which was polyjuice, ironically enough. Snape was not aware that they'd already made it once, huddled around each other in the closed girls' bathroom belonging to one Moaning Myrtle. But none of them were going to admit to it now. Hermione looked particularly smug, not at all bothered by being partnered this time with Neville.   
  
They had actually spent the last few weeks preparing the polyjuice potion. Professor Snape had gone over the method of stewing lacewing flies and even gave them an assignment to be out on the night of the full moon to pick fluxweed, under the guidance of Hagrid. It had been one of the more fun lessons in Potions, a class that Harry had never particularly enjoyed.   
  
Today was the day they actually would mix the ingredients, however, and assume the shape of someone else. Snape picked who each person was to mimic, and thankfully he allowed Ron and Harry to morph into each other. Provided the potion worked. Snape already made snide commentary that he expected them both to end up failing.  
  
Hermione was paired with Pansy Parkinson, even while still partners with Neville Longbottom, at least for brewing the potion. Harry spared her a glance every once in awhile, hearing her murmur instructions quietly while Neville nodded on occasion.   
  
"No, Neville," she sighed in exasperation, "You can't add the knotgrass until _ after_ you've stirred in the leeches. Honestly, I told you that yesterday."  
  
"Sorry," Neville murmured, "I forgot."  
  
"You always forget, Longbottom," Professor Snape's monotone voice caught everyone's attention for a moment, "Miss Granger, you will stop instructing him from here on. Longbottom must make the potion on his own. You have all had weeks to study and memorize the proper procedures and measurements."  
  
Neville's ears went pink and from Draco's table came a chorus of leering laughter. He and Goyle and Crabbe were all elbowing one another while mimicking Neville drinking his potion, and then croaking on it. Snape didn't seem to notice their antics. Hermione's brows furrowed and she parted her lips as if to attempt arguing with the professor until he leveled her with a hard stare. She dropped her eyes and went back to measuring out her powered bicorn horn. Still, Harry could see her lips moving on occasion, trying very hard to whisper or mouth the proper procedures and ingredient measures to Neville when Snape was looking elsewhere.  
  
Harry and Ron exchanged glances, shrugged and returned to their own potions. Harry had only to add in the boomslang skin and Ron wasn't far behind him, stirring the stewed lacewing flies in his cauldron slowly. The dungeon fell back into silence again, only the sounds of students at work to be heard.   
  
It came without warning. A gasp from Hermione and a sudden and very loud BOOM echoed throughout the dungeon. Harry looked up just in time to get splashed in the face with a smattering of thick, oily black substance. He removed his glasses to clean them, vision blurry for a moment as he heard Snape's voice roar, "Longbottom!"  
  
"Oh no," cried Hermione, "Neville, _what_ have you done?"  
  
Harry finished cleaning off his glasses on a bit of robe not drenched with the exploded potion and put them back on. The entire class stared in complete horror at one another. Neville's latest explosion soaked everyone within a twenty foot radius, including Professor Snape. But, having mixed the wrong sorts of ingredients, the results were horrific.  
  
Everyone had completely changed gender. Clothing sagged or bulged in all the wrong places. Even Draco now sported a pair of breasts that were far beyond the need for a training bra. Crabbe and Goyle were simultaneously checking beneath their robes, eyes wide with shock. Ron couldn't help a snicker.  
  
"What are _you_ laughing at, Weasley!" Draco snapped in a very feminine alto.   
  
"At you, Draco, perhaps you better think about getting yourself one of Pansy's bras!" Ron returned, and then clapped his hands over his mouth as he, too, realized his voice was different. Harry could hardly believe his eyes. Ron looked like an older version of his sister Ginny, suddenly.   
  
"Silence," came Professor Snape's suddenly falsetto voice, "Fifty points from Gryffindor for this... now everyone up to Madame Pomfrey's."  
  
(To be continued...)


End file.
